However, it does make for an interesting blog post.
I give you this month's edition of...things people googled that led them to my blog.
Asshole trophy
For that special asshole in you life. Aww.
No ho's allowed
Why you gotta hate? Hos are your friends.
But they're also your enemies too. And you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hos don't act right. And they always have runs in their pantyhose.
Man that Ludacris sure knows a lot.
I retract my earlier statement and agree with the googler. No hos allowed!
Idiot can love
Well of course they can. Idiots are people too. Unfortunately.
Wed MD lump elbow
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one to turn to Web MD to diagnose the mysterious and most-likely deadly lumpy elbow.
Seriously though, that sounds dangerous. You should probably go to a doctor.
Dancing Penguin Interview
Does the penguin dance while giving the interview? I hope so, cuz otherwise it's just a regular interview about a penguin who dances. And there's nothing special about that.
Forget what I said in the title about the searches not being profound. These next two are brilliant.
All the bacon
Best search ever.
Let's Get Crazy Bacon Pictures
Yesssssss!
Thong Poop
Alright. Who let the sickos use the internet?
Pissed off UPS Man
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your next package? Is going to be a bomb.
Mastirbating [sic] hippos
That's it. All perverts report to the gymnasium and hand in your internet cards. Your googling privileges have been revoked.
Always think I'm dying
I feel your pain. Literally. I'm always dying too, even though WebMD says I'm just having a panic attack. But honestly, what do they know? I've heard they're not even a real doctor.
Quote of the Day:
I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about.
~Oscar Wilde
Word of the Day:
pablum: something (as writing or speech) that is trite, insipid, or simplistic
i wonder about some of these. My blog was once found by searching David Bowie pants.
ReplyDeleteI have never written about David Bowie.
I think Google just likes to screw with us sometimes.
DeletePMSL. :D
ReplyDeleteIt always shocks me to see how people get to my blog. Sometimes...it scares me. You'd be amazed at how many people Google stuff about their husband wearing panties. *mine doesn't for the record*
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!
DeleteGlad I'm not the only one who gets wacky searches leading to their blog. Maybe Mastirbating Hippos is a band name? We can hope, right? ;p
ReplyDeleteI posted about this on my blog a while ago, too. Fun, funny stuff!
~Tui
I love checking my stats! But sometimes I get scurred. People search for some really sick stuff.
DeleteEvery so often I get some head-scratchers too... I still don't know where people ended up with:
ReplyDeletehe is very attached to his sister
• "high level of smarts " definition
somalinomadic shelter
historical romance to be hung marries her instead
old mature incest
... ah... the Wisdom of the Google.
:D
Baha! Love your searches!
DeleteGoogle IS awesome, even if its users can't make a ho plural correctly (but you did, and I love you for it). I get variations of "big nose" and "slutty grandma" in Google searches for my blog every. single. day. If they ever get together with your masturbating-hippo lovers, the world may very well explode.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing worse than an improperly plural ho. Except maybe when the slutty grandma and the masturbating hippo get together. Gah.
DeleteI am somehow always stunned at the gross things people will look up on the internet. YOU CANNOT UNSEE THIS.
ReplyDeleteAs to why they end up with your site? Just lucky, I guess.
No, no you cannot unsee it. There are days I really, really wish I could.
DeleteLucky, indeed.
I love you 500 times more now that you sang a little ludda!
ReplyDeleteYou's a HO.
Why thank you. It takes a ho to know a ho. I love you, ho!
DeleteI thought pablum was that rice food that you fed to babies as a transition from breast milk to real food.
ReplyDeleteI'll take your word for it.
DeleteMine said morbid sex kitten. I shit you not. Sounds like a punk band.
ReplyDeleteThat is the best band name evah!
DeleteSo dang funny. But it makes me try to picture the people who typed in those search terms, which is...eww.
ReplyDeleteI know! I have images of some very weird sickos in my head.
DeleteI LOVE your searches! Why don't I get crazy ones like that? Oh yeah, we don't write about the same things. But we're so much alike in other ways.... So funny!
ReplyDeleteI can't say for certain, but I'm pretty freaking certain I've never written about masturbating hippos. The hell?!
DeleteI love poking around through the searches! The best one this week was "naked bushy women"...., uh wow
ReplyDeleteBahaha! Wow, indeed!
DeleteI love looking at the google searches...they're only occasionally very disturbing, but usually fairly mild. Apparently 'wetsuit wedgies' are all the rage, though.
ReplyDeleteI tagged you on my post today :)
Sa-weet! On my way...
DeleteYou know, I've never thought about masturbating hippos in life. Ever. Until now. This is why I read blogs. To broaden my scope and world vision.
ReplyDeleteOnce you think about masturbating hippos, you can't unthink about them. Congratulations. Your life just got a whole lot more disturbing. Or better. It's about perspective, really.
DeleteDancing Penguin Interview and Always Think I'm Dying make me laugh so hard. I think I'm going to need to do a post like this because the shit that leads weirdos to me is MESSED UP.
ReplyDeleteI bet so many people are disappointed in not finding the Dancing Penguin Interview - you should post one.
Excellent idea. I did post a picture of dancing penguin once. But I didn't interview him. I hate it when I miss a good opportunity.
DeleteEvery time I read one of these I go and check mine. Nope, still nothing interesting :-(
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Maybe you should write about masturbating hippos? Or no. I'd go with not.
Delete